Daily Kos

Tag: snark

Pastor Agnostic's Daily Sermon 8/21

Thu Aug 21, 2008 at 10:01:47 AM PDT

1841 - John Hampton of New Orleans, LA, received a patent for venetian blinds.

1984 - Clint Eastwood contributed a hand print and the words, "You made my day," to the Hollywood Walk of Fame in front of Mann's Chinese Theatre.

COINCIDENCE? I think NOT!

Quote:
"There is no position on which people are so immovable as their religious beliefs. There is no more powerful ally one can claim in a debate than Jesus Christ, or God, or Allah, or whatever one calls this supreme being. The religious factions that are growing throughout our land are not using their religious clout with wisdom. They are trying to force government leaders into following their position 100 percent. If you disagree with these religious groups on a particular moral issue, they complain, they threaten you with a loss of money or votes or both. I'm frankly sick and tired of the political preachers across this country telling me ... that if I want to be a moral person, I must believe in A, B, C, and D. Just who do they think they are?"
-- Senator Barry Goldwater, 1981


FROM THE CHURCH OF INEFFABLE STUPIDITY:

Poll

Nepotitis is

40%2 votes
40%2 votes
0%0 votes
0%0 votes
0%0 votes
0%0 votes
20%1 votes

| 5 votes | Vote | Results

Breaking: It's HILLARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ZOMGLOL

Thu Aug 21, 2008 at 09:41:32 AM PDT

Just got the text!

Full Politico-McCain interview transcript

Thu Aug 21, 2008 at 09:00:17 AM PDT

Yes, it's true. John McCain does not know how many homes he and Cindy own.

But that's only the beginning.

I have obtained a complete transcript of the Politico interview with McCain. In it, McCain is also unable to answer a number of relevant, simple questions posed by Politico reporters Jonathan Martin and Mike Allen.

Read, below, for the complete, albeit brief, transcript...

Why Won't You Text Me?! What Did I Do?!

Thu Aug 21, 2008 at 08:24:06 AM PDT

Dear Senator Obama,

Hey champ, how's it going? Why don't you just take a knee for a moment. I know your engrossed in a general election battle that's about as dirty as a pair of leather chaps in Sturgis. I know you have a cast of thousands supporting you in your bid to be President of these glorious United States. I know you have a wife and two beautiful children to tend after. I know.

But...I thought we had something special.

Bene Gesseritt Secret Memo

Thu Aug 21, 2008 at 02:56:39 AM PDT

Not recommended for those un initiated by the Dune series...

From the Rev Mother B Jordan of Texas:

To the Rev Mother A Kanjar of Kenya:

Re: Muadib BHO

It has been 33 years since the young human has been tested with the Gom Jabbar.  He has developed the Voice and continues to build power.  He is currently poised to oppose the Emperor and his Harkonnen surrogates for supremacy in the Western/Northern Hemisphere of the Blue Planet.  The genetic breeding program begun long ago has borne fruit.  It was obvious that the crossing of the blood lines of the oldest people on the planet with descendants of the Celts would yield unusually gifted people but we did not know it would be evident so soon.

I am grumpy and new to the Democratic Party, but....

Wed Aug 20, 2008 at 09:13:56 PM PDT

Yes, by gum and by gosh.

And since I am grumpy I am going to share it with you.

3 things have me grumpy.

  1. All this VP talk
  1. All this poll talk
  1. All this HRC talk

It's gotten to the point I do not even go out to the movies or show at all.

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More after the break.

BREAKING:  It's Gore!

Wed Aug 20, 2008 at 09:09:24 PM PDT

No not THAT Gore, silly.

Lesley Gore, of the sixties "girl group" era.

Poll

Lesley Gore for Vice President?

10%11 votes
37%38 votes
3%4 votes
47%48 votes

| 101 votes | Vote | Results

Great news for McCain: Hawaii beats Washington in World Series

Wed Aug 20, 2008 at 07:32:21 PM PDT

The Little League World Series, that is. And it was a semi-final, not the Big Enchilada.

But far more important than the fact that the team from real America got eliminated is the potential impact on the presidential race. Because this can only be a huge boost for McCain's chances.

Why? Well, consider: Obama is from Hawaii, and many of the boys on the team have foreign-sounding names. Even worse, I didn't see a single flag pin on any of their uniforms. What's more, the series is held in Pennsylvania, which is full of disgruntled Clinton supporters. And…and, well, I can't really figure out all the implications, but I DO KNOW BEYOND DOUBT THAT THIS CAN ONLY BE GREAT NEWS FOR MCCAIN!

Biden's successful dump an audition for #2???

Wed Aug 20, 2008 at 07:06:59 PM PDT

Joe Biden carried faithfully out the duty of a #2 earlier today, when he dropped some fairly large logs in front of some reporters and, satisfied with what he had done, nodded and remarked, "I had a successful dump."

Not surprisingly, the media ate it all up with a spoon. News of his dump traveled far and wide. Senator Biden then asked if anyone would help him with his next dump, saying, "by the way I got a second load coming and if anyone wants to help me unload let me know" but the confused reporters, who were sick of eating Biden's BS and waiting to hear when  #2 would drop, declined to help Mr. Biden with his next dump.

Obama gives Keynote Address to Kucinich as reward for 5th Place

Wed Aug 20, 2008 at 05:00:54 PM PDT

The Democratic National Committee announced today that it was replacing its Keynote Speaker slot from Gov. Mark Warner (VA) to Congressman Dennis Kucinich (OH).

DNC spokesperson Mary Thorne spoke at a hastily arranged press conference Wednesday evening. "Senator Obama, whom you all know is our almighty boss and we have to do whatever he says, gave the order this afternoon. "We are simply following Senator McCain's precedent of giving the Keynote Address to the fifth place challenger in the primaries. Rudy Giuliani finished behind McCain, Huckabee, Romney, and Paul. Likewise, Kucinich finished behind Obama, Clinton, Edwards, and Richardson.

Poll

Who would be your Keynote Speaker?

27%13 votes
12%6 votes
22%11 votes
16%8 votes
20%10 votes

| 48 votes | Vote | Results

When "Taking On the System" doesn't work (ad parody)

Wed Aug 20, 2008 at 04:34:32 PM PDT

Photobucket

... announcing "Puking On the System: Rules for Radical Change in a Nauseating Era ."

Poll

Have you personally throw up on the Prime Minister of Japan?

14%3 votes
9%2 votes
28%6 votes
0%0 votes
47%10 votes

| 21 votes | Vote | Results

U.S. Diving Team was robbed! [Video]

Wed Aug 20, 2008 at 02:12:14 PM PDT

Move over Nastia Liukin.  Take a number Alicia Sacremone.  Yet another Olympic athlete has a beef with the judges.  This time, it's a diver.

I can't believe this didn't win gold last night.  Check out the video from NBC Sports.

The commentators said that the most difficult dive is the reverse 1½ somersault with 4½ twists.  But for my money, it's the "Triple Lindy".

Your Veep Is NOBODY - Yep, You Heard Me

Wed Aug 20, 2008 at 02:02:37 PM PDT

In the 1990s, all of America was treated to "a show about nothing," and it was an instant classic.

I thought about Seinfeld when reading all the diaries about who Barack Obama absolutely cannot pick.  Apparently, every single possible VP is no good.

And then it hit me.

Obama - NOBODY 2008

To paraphrase George Costanza, everybody's always picked somebody for Vice President.  Barack Obama should pick nobody.  Literally, nobody.

VP Selection, Thinking Out of the Sexual Organ

Wed Aug 20, 2008 at 01:06:28 PM PDT

We need a candidate who is thoughtful, believable, intelligent, telegenic, and has great hair.

George Clooney.

Seriously (not seriously, see the snark tag)

Really seriously, I would like to see Wes Clark actually selected, if just to say "fuck you" to the beltway boneheads...or Howard Dean, because...He's Howard Dean.

Biden gives me shingles, and I don't think that medical science has a name for what Bayh gives me.

Your silly VP suggestions below.

BREAKING: Ice Cream Cures Cancer!

Wed Aug 20, 2008 at 12:50:49 PM PDT

Researchers at the In Your Dreams Institute released startling findings today, correlating the death and decay of cancerous cells in humans with increased consumption in ice cream.  Millions of cancer patients worldwide rejoiced at the news, given that ice cream is a frequent side dish to the strict diet/drug regiment enforced upon cancer patients (which are now obsolete).

This news, along with several other conclusions released during the previous week, is meant to gather attention before the IYDI releases its findings on Barack Obama's VP pick.  Other conclusions released this week:

Poll

Who votes based on the VP?

10%8 votes
33%25 votes
56%42 votes

| 75 votes | Vote | Results

BREAKING !!!I Just was VP TEXT by OBAMA

Wed Aug 20, 2008 at 11:52:04 AM PDT

I just got a text from Senator Barack Obama....and I am PISSED!

Poll

Should Obama have picked

1%4 votes
21%47 votes
20%45 votes
6%15 votes
20%46 votes
2%5 votes
26%58 votes

| 220 votes | Vote | Results

I'M FREAKING OUT!!!

Wed Aug 20, 2008 at 11:47:24 AM PDT

Wait, why am I freaking out?

Poll

Do you really believe polls showing McBushAgain is ahead?

11%13 votes
25%28 votes
8%9 votes
2%3 votes
4%5 votes
2%3 votes
13%15 votes
8%9 votes
18%20 votes
3%4 votes

| 109 votes | Vote | Results

I got mojo!!!! Happy Happy , Joy, Joy!

Wed Aug 20, 2008 at 10:56:57 AM PDT

A quick twitter like diary to commemorate the fact that after ... 3 months ? .. of being a kog I got enough mojo to see the hidden comments tab.

Oh joy! I dedicate this achievement to my mamacita who sudffered through hours of labor to give birth to little old me, and to all the kogs who rated my comments up!

With my newly minted TU status I will proceed to hide the repugs and crazies who dare to comment in this site. And engage on pie wars with the best..

All kidding aside, I'm happy to see I don't need a single digit user id to be TU. Democracy happens here. Thanks guys and girls!

- lost

Poll

Are you a TU

64%37 votes
21%12 votes
10%6 votes
3%2 votes

| 57 votes | Vote | Results


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